mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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