wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
