you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
