Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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