the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
