Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
