omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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