kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
