Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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