I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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