brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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