ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
