i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize