i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
