im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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