The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
