That's when you crack a 10am beer
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
