Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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