I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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