So drunk its hurt
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
