woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
