when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
