Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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