craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I want is dick and wine.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
