I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
