We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
