you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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