you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
