i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
