Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
