One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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