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Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
