Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
