careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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