Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
