why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
