You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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