it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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