I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
