haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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