We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
