thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
