you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
