Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
