break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've blown a few things in my day
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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