sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
