Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
