I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
where are my eyebrows?
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