I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think I sprained my soul last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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