Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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