went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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