I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
