I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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