On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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