I think im going to throw up on grandma
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I use my feet as sexual weapons
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
