The maid of honor just puked.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
