Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
