so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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