I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
