the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
