I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
