i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
