I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
