he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
