would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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