idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
