She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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