Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she peed on how many people?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pants are for mortals
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
