just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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