I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
