fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The air was thick with penises
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize