the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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