her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
