I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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