HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
