I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
