Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
