This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
