When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
