you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
just found out that she named her cat after me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
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He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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