somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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