my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just gargled with NyQuil
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
