I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
